


Run run run

by angi190



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Don't ask me why I wrote this, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, M/M, My mind is going places, Overdosing, Sadness, Short, Smut, Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, idk what the hell is this, it's 4 am
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-06 02:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12807867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angi190/pseuds/angi190
Summary: They often met like that. In the middle of the night, when the need and the lust drove them together and made them lose their minds





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Will you stay with me my love, for another day  
> Cos I don’t want to be alone, when I’m in this state  
> Will you stay with me my love, ‘til we’re old and grey  
> I don’t want to be alone, when these bones decay
> 
> //////
> 
> I was listening to Daughter's Run and this happened

They often met like that. In the middle of the night, when the need and the lust drove them together and made them lose their minds. They both needed it. Josh needed it because he loved Tyler more than trees love the rain and Tyler needed it because he couldn't be alone after he got high. Tyler was never in his right mind. Not even once. Always high on something, always babbling and stumbling, pulling Josh's clothes right off his trembling body without ever asking for permission. He didn't need to ask. Josh always wanted him, always needed him. No matter how many times they had sex it was always mindblowing. Tyler was crazy; he did things Josh would never ask of him to do, but he still did them anyway. Josh often wondered would he do it if he was sober? Would he even sleep with Josh if he wasn't always on drugs? He almost asked Tyler that question a couple of times, but his lover always silenced him with kisses and bites.

They often met like that. Tripping on drugs, drunk with love and booze and adrenaline. Tyler was younger than Josh and way more attractive and interesting than Josh could ever hope to be. His body was made for sin, lean and strong and soft in all the right places. His face was one of an angel and  he definitely sang like one. His elegant fingers played the piano as exquizitely as they played every nerve ending on Josh's body while setting it on fire. He was talented and beautiful, while Josh was shy and awkward. They were a strange pair. Hell Josh wasn't even sure if they were pair at all. They weren't together, never showed up in public places together, never held hands, never met each other's families. They had sex and then Tyler would leave, never telling his lover where he's going. That drove the other man crazy and sometimes it hurt so much he wanted to dig out his heart and set it on fire.

Tyler was restless at night. He almost never slept in Josh's bed and when he did, terrible nightmares would wake him up and send him stumbling down to the bathroom where he'd throw up and then get high all over again. Josh would hold him as tighly as he could afterwards, silent, listening to the younger man's heartbeat. His mind was racing with a thousand thoughts per second, trying to come up with something to say, but what was there to say anyway? Stop using? Run away with me and start a new life far away from this hell? Love me? Trust me? It was useless. Tyler only loved drugs. He couldn't live without them and he could easily live without Josh and his empty words. Promises meant nothing if you were dead inside.

"Please stay with me?"those words were whispered so many times in the dead of the night, they were soaked all over the walls of Josh's apartment.

"Don't leave"

"I love you"

"I don't want to be alone"

Nothing made Tyler stay. Not even the promise of safety and love. No matter how many times Josh told him everything was going to be okay he never believed. He never stayed. 


	2. Chapter 2

Their eyes met in the dim room, Tyler’s half closed and far away and Josh’s wet with unshed tears.  They held on to each other like two trees with tangled up roots and broken branches. The night was hot and they were both sweaty, but they still refused to let go of each other. Josh out of fear that Tyler’s heart could stop from how much drugs he took and Tyler out of fear he’ll float away if he let go.

The only sounds that filled the room was the squeaking of the bed, the old thing complaining against the violent shake of Tyler’s thin and exhausted body.

“You’re not gonna let me go, are you?” he whispered with dry mouth and sore throat, pushing himself closer to Josh who wrapped his arms even together around the bony frame in his embrace.

“Never, Ty.” Josh whispered back and kissed Tyler’s forehead, letting the salty tears slip out of his tired eyes. “ I’ve got you”

Tyler’s eyes slipped close as he buried his face into the other man’s neck,  breathing in short and abrupt rhythm.

“You’re the only one who never leaves me” Tyler mumbled into Josh’s sweaty skin, already halfway into unconsciousness.” I wish you left. I wish …” his voice got so quiet the last words  got lost in the silence of the room.

Sometimes Josh wished he could leave too. Leave and lever look back, live a life where he’d never have to witness this pain and suffering again. Watching the man he loved the most dissolve like that was more painful than anything Josh has ever experienced. Holding him in his arms, feeling his frail body fight for every breath and knowing that Tyler did all of this to himself hurt  worse than anything he could imagine.

Josh was fighting back tears, because he always had to be the strong one. He had to keep it together, because if he didn’t, they would both fall apart. Trying to focus on his breathing, he thought back to the times when things weren't so heavy. Times when Tyler smiled when Josh called him beautiful, instead of turning away the way he did now. When they went out and watched the sun set through half closed eyes and kiss-swollen lips. There used to be romance between them; now it was all sex high on drugs with no kissing or cuddling. All Tyler wanted was to get high, get fucked and then high again. 

Josh was too in love, too scared that the younger man will do something terribly stupid if Josh denied him, so he always gave Tyler what he needed. He always stayed, despite how used up and useless he felt. He knew he didn't have the strength to leave Tyler even if it meant throwing away his own life. That’s what love is after all - loving someone else's life more than your own. 

Lost in his own head Josh didn’t notice when the boy in his arms started shaking again. It wasn't just a tremble though. He was sobbing.

"It's going to be okay my love" Josh whispered and petted Tyler's soft brown hair that grew a little bit longer than usually. "Please don't cry, don't cry" He begged while Tyler kept shaking and making choked up sounds. 

"I don’t want to d-do this anymore" the younger man sobbed, barely cohorent " I don't want this. I -I ...I don’t want to be so pathetic " He cried, hiding his face in Josh’s shirt. " I don't want to b-be a burden anymore"

"You can never be a burden to me" 

"But I am. I am. I am a burden to everyone and I don't want to do this anymore "

"You can let me help you" Josh suggested quietly " I love you and I want to help you, but you're not letting me"

"You don't love me" Tyler said and crawled out of his hiding place in the crook of Josh’s neck." You just want to fix me. Make me better. That’s not love, Josh. That’s selfish and fucking naïve." Tyler's eyes were so tired and sad was barely anything else in them but exhaustion and sadness. And fear.

"You don't mean this" Josh said and fought the urge to slam his fist into the wall.

"I don't need pity.  I don't need anyone to fix me okay? " the sentence ended with a scream that made Josh flinch and close his eyes. Tyler almost never raised his voice, unless he was so high he had no grip on himself.

"I just want you to be okay" the older man said desperately "I don't want to find you lying in a ditch with a needle sticking out of your hand or in some freaking morgue." He didn't want to scream but he was dying inside seeing Tyler like this.

 This made Tyler stare and open his mouth to speak but nothing came out. His eyes were so deep and so dark they could hold an entire universe and then some more. An endless abyss of darkness and sadness. There was no fixing this.

Tyler left without saying anything. No goodbyes. No promises. No explanation. Leaving Josh to pick up the pieces on his own.


End file.
